


Heaven's Grief

by CrushingOnRazz



Series: All Razz and Blue Stuff [10]
Category: Written in the Scars
Genre: Angels and Demons, Angst, Death, F/F, F/M, Heaven and Hell, This could probably be tagged more as T instead of M, Trans Character, but I make way too many sex jokes in my writing, eh, fun fact, instead it's heavenly virtues and deadly sins who run the shows, so like, that was way too complicated to tackle, the first au i ever made for razz and blue, there is no god in this, this is my oldest au, we love to see it, with an angel who doesn't mean to be transphobic and just doesn't understand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrushingOnRazz/pseuds/CrushingOnRazz
Summary: The cities may lie quieter now, but the angels had fulfilled their obligations.
Relationships: Halle/Cerulean, Razz/Blue - Relationship
Series: All Razz and Blue Stuff [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1743484





	Heaven's Grief

In the millennia since Laziraphael had been brought into existence, he had never seen anything as beautiful as human beings. For centuries, he had watched them from the angel’s realm, admiring their love and their hate almost in equal measure, letting their emotions paint his mind until he thought he knew how they worked. They never ceased to surprise him, but as he’d come into his title as the angel of understanding, it had been the humans he most strove to understand. 

They moved so quickly, but lived and died with a passion most angels could never hope to achieve. Their technology and their world were so far behind the angel’s own, but they had long since taken on their protection. The Seven Virtues, centuries ago, had commanded them to take care of these life forms.

The cities may lie quieter now, but the angels had fulfilled their obligations. 

Early morning sunlight streamed through the windows, lighting the curves of Laziraphael’s borrowed hand and arm in glowing stripes. His eyes caught on the lines, and he lifted the hand to admire the sight. His skin was like liquid gold, he thought, still in awe of this body despite the years he had spent protecting it. He watched the light play across the deeply colored skin, and the corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. 

A faint feeling of irritation trickled in from the back of his mind. Laziraphael’s grin faltered, and he glanced up at the mirror in front of him. He had been in the middle of washing his hands, so he was able to see his borrowed face in close detail. Grabbing a towel, he slowly wiped away the water, studying himself as his host continued to glower. He had a proud nose and a firm jaw, honey brown eyes that glinted in the light, dark hair kept longer on top and allowed to fall in soft waves over his forehead. Razz had been a striking man even when he was the only occupant of his body, and with an angel inside him?

_ You are beautiful _ , he thought, sending the thought purposefully to the back of his mind.  _ You cannot fault me for my admirations. _

Razz didn’t respond, of course, but the feeling of irritation intensified abruptly before fading into nothing. He didn’t often have the strength for more powerful emotions, these days, quickly tiring in his inactivity. Stubborn, all of them. The humans had been unprepared for their protection, but there had been nothing else to do. With the betrayal of the reapers, the humans were being taken directly to hell, and until the angels could win this war, the only thing to be done was to keep them from dying altogether. 

They were careful, of course, preserving the places they could and holding the bodies they possessed in a frozen stasis. The plan had always been to let the humans resume as normal after quickly winning the war, but the demons were holding out longer than any of them could have predicted. Despite their efforts, change had happened. Cites had fallen, people had changed. 

There had been one instance, in which Laziraphael tried to heal the damage done to Razz’s torso, where the resulting panic from his host had made him stop trying to change him altogether, even in ways he thought would help. He couldn’t stop all of it, though. Being possessed by an angel for so long was bound to have some effect, and Razz’s appearance had shifted over the years. Razz hadn’t aged, of course, but his hands had lost their calluses, his scars faded away. His hair had grown a few inches, curling in and around itself, and there was something lost in his eyes that Laziraphael didn’t think would return even after he had left the other. 

Sighing, he left the bathroom, flicking off the light and closing the door behind him. The apartment where they currently lived was sparse, bare of everything but a table full of brightly colored rocks and a single photograph taped beside his bed, taken a few years before of Laziraphael with the other members of heaven’s court. Razz hated it, for reasons unknown, but Laziraphael enjoyed the reminder of his friends. 

He could hear the faint sounds of the holding coming awake, his neighbors moving and people speaking on the street below. This part of the city was entirely populated by the angels, sentinels standing guard over the humans they protected, keeping watch for the enemy. As deeply as they were placed within the angelic population, though, he wasn’t very worried about Razz’s safety. What demon would dare invade this deeply into their holdings? 

Stripping his shirt off over his head, he tossed the clothing into a mostly-full basket of laundry, pulling open a drawer to find something to replace it. His fingers hovered over a dark purple shirt, looking inward, and Razz’s exasperation returned. Most hosts could just ask for what they wanted, but rather through stubbornness or inability, Razz wouldn’t. 

Five years, they’d been doing this. Five years since the first angels had come to save the souls of those still living, and Laziraphael had been one of the first. He was still unsure what he had done wrong to cause Razz to be so deeply closed inside of him, but his complete rejection of what he saw as an invading force had made it necessary for Laziraphael to push much harder than he had intended in order to take control of his body. Most of the first wave of angels had chosen people that were religious or already held reverence and respect for their forces, but Laziraphael hadn’t been able to help himself. He was the angel of understanding, and he could sense his perfect host from the stratosphere. So what if he had no belief in any god? They weren’t gods.

Even so, he had hoped Razz would be better by now. 

He pointed to another shirt, and he was sure that if Razz had any control over their body, he would have rolled their eyes. Before he could try again, though, there was a gentle nudge of acknowledgement, and he sighed in relief, picking up the clothing Razz had chosen and pulling it on. He finished getting dressed without looking for further input, pushing his hair out of his eyes and taking a deep breath before stepping through the front door. 

The stairs were right around the corner, and he descended them quickly, his watch beeping to remind him of the time just as he reached the ground floor. Smiling in satisfaction, he turned off the alarm, shouldering out of the building and onto the street. 

Jastra had yet to arrive, so he lifted his face to the sky, taking a deep breath and appreciating the warmth of the sun. They had arrived in this city a week prior, and every day since, there had been rain. There was beauty in it, of course, as there was in everything on this planet, but there was certainly no beauty in the way it dripped down his back and made him shiver. There were many things he wouldn’t miss about existing in a human body, and temperature was one of them.

Even so, he had spent the last year in a part of the world where the heat and moisture hovered in the air and permeated every available surface, so it had been equal parts relieving and shocking to be summoned here. Razz was far happier though, Laziraphael knew that without any doubt. It had less to do with the weather, though, and far more to do with the fact that this city was mere hours from the place where Laziraphael had first found him. He must have had a family, people he missed, and though Laziraphael couldn’t get him to share any part of them with him, he knew the other always hoped they would find someone from his old life in one of these cities. 

As glad as he was to feel Razz’s joy, however, he was here for a greater purpose. Laziraphael was the angel of understanding, representative of his commander, Patience, on heaven’s greatest court. They had been brought here to offer judgement. 

Patience had sent her message to the council, asking them to come as quickly as they were able. They had captured a demon that was essential, she had said. Someone so important that Patience could not even tell them who it was. And so they came. 

Now that the humans weren’t being brought to heaven upon their deaths, the council had been charged with the judgement of the demons. They had spent the last five years traveling from place to place, passing judgement on their captured enemies and spreading what peace they could among their forces. With the exception of the Virtues, all angels were equal, but all knew of the members of the courts. It did them good to see that they were recognized with their presence.

Laziraphael was in a special place of honor here, among so many of Patience’s forces. He was their representative, and it wasn’t often he could walk through the city without his brothers and sisters stopping him to clasp his hands and offer words of peace. 

“Laziraphael!” 

He turned, smiling as he recognized the speaker. “Doesn’t the sun feel wonderful, Barul?” 

Barul stopped, looking up and squinting at the light for a moment before he nodded. “I suppose it does. I do love the rain, but Jacob loves the warmth. I do wonder why he lived here when he craves the sun so deeply.” 

“Perhaps it was by necessity. Have you asked him?” 

“I had never thought to.” 

Laziraphael pushed aside the flicker of jealousy that appeared at Barul’s ability to communicate so easily with his host. “You should. He may have something to say that will help you to understand the rain.” 

Laughing, Barul said, “You do appreciate the small things, don’t you? Jacob finds it so strange to have words like that coming out of Razz’s mouth.” 

“Did Razz not like the rain?” 

“He…” Pausing, Barul’s face went blank as he listened. Laziraphael took the moment to study him, wishing for some similarities to his own host in the other’s face. Cousins they may have been, according to what Barul had told him of Jacob’s memories, but they had no relation by blood. Jacob was a pale boy, half a foot taller than Razz despite their difference in age and with hair shorn close to his head. According to Barul, he hadn’t even recognized Razz at first, Jacob’s memories being so different from what Razz now was. It had been many years since they had seen one another, and to Laziraphael’s piercing disappointment, Jacob hadn’t known much more about Razz than the fact that he’d had a different name, once, but when Barul had repeated it to Laziraphael, Razz had countered with a feeling of such annoyed anger that Laziraphael had done his best to forget it. Jacob’s family had been one that held their religion in place of their kindness, and the fact that Razz had not been a man at birth had been deeply offensive to the boy’s father, so they had stayed far from each other until the angel’s possession.

“Well, he doesn’t know about the rain part of it all,” Barul continued after a few minutes of internal conversation, “But Jacob meant more the way that you talk. He’s always found it strange, this is the first time he’s mentioned it to me, is all. He wouldn’t have ever expected Razz to speak that way.” 

“Ah. I understand.” He smiled, then looked back to the sky. 

Barul fidgeted for a moment. He was not a young angel, but the body he occupied had still been ingrained with the nervous habits of a child. Jacob had been twelve when Barul came to save him, and he had accepted the angel’s presence with nothing more than relief. The war had already progressed for several years, and Jacob had already lost every other member of his family to the demons. The angel of compassion, Barul had seen Jacob hiding from the invaders in his home and dropped from heaven to protect his body before Kindness had told any of the angels under their command to do so. He was still one of only two of the angels of Kindness’s forces on earth, serving under Patience until such time as Kindness took a host and commanded their forces to do the same. 

“Is the council meeting today?” Barul asked, and Laziraphael nodded. 

“Yes, Jastra is meeting me here, then we’ll go to the others.”

“Have you found--” 

“I don’t know,” Laziraphael shook his head, smiling softly at Barul’s quiet excitement. “And I couldn’t tell you even if I did. At least for today, we are just passing judgement on some of the common rabble, a few demons that the forces here have been holding for a long time. I’m sure they’ll be relieved to be rid of them.” 

“What did they do?” 

“What do they ever do?” Came a voice from behind them, and Laziraphael looked back, smiling as he saw Jastra. He appreciated the relationship he had with Barul, the connection with Razz’s past life and, of course, liked Barul himself for his own qualities, but Jastra was a friend from centuries past. They had been serving together on the court of heaven since her calling, a few hundred years after his own. His brothers and sisters on the council were the closest he had, and Jastra had long been his favorite. 

“Nothing good, we can all assume,” he replied, grasping her hands with both of his own in greeting before they all started walking in the direction of the city courthouse. It seemed fitting that they should pass their own judgement in the same place that the humans had passed theirs. “The ruling will probably be the same.” 

“We need to start looking for a more permanent solution than sending them back to hell. They come directly back,” Barul said forcefully, and Laziraphael laughed.

“Like what,” he asked, “Death? You cannot kill a human soul twice.” 

“No,” Jastra murmured, “But you can banish it to the beyond.” 

Laziraphael stopped, looking at Jastra in concern. “You should not joke about that.” 

She sniffed, continuing to walk, but looked back at him with a smile. “Did you hear that Diligence arrived in the city today?” 

The change of subject had him narrowing his eyes in suspicion, but he huffed, rejoining them after a few quick steps. Barul was looking at Jastra with wide eyes. “What?! I thought that Patience was already--”

“They are both here,” she said, then glanced at Laziraphael before her gaze fell. “Diligence came to me last night, told me who it was we were summoned here for.”

He slowed, then caught up again. “That’s supposed to be a secret until we have passed--”

“Laziraphael, he asked me to speak with you. You can’t do what you normally do with this one.” 

It was obvious what he meant, and disappointed anger welled up in him. Various members of the court had made that appeal at some time or another, some so often he could already see the conversation coming as they approached, but it was rare for Jastra. She should know better than to think she could sway him from his purpose. 

“Who is it?” he asked instead of responding. 

“I can’t tell you that.” 

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye doubtfully. 

“Fine,” she said, sighing, then tilted her head at Barul. “But you know I cannot tell you here. I’ll speak to you after we have finished tonight, at my apartment. Will you meet me there after the sun sets?” 

Confused, he blinked at her. “Could we not walk together again, after we leave judgement?” 

“Ah,” Jastra said, gesturing at herself. “I promised Beth to prepare us a meal tonight, and make a call to the angel who holds her daughter as her host. It’s been too long since we have updated each other on their safety.” 

Laziraphael nodded faintly, jealousy creeping in again. “Of course.” 

They arrived at the courthouse steps, and Barul bid them goodbye, climbing the stairs quickly and leaving the two of them alone. He was one of those charged with the guarding of this city’s prisoners, and from how fast he hurried away, he must have been late to arrive. Laziraphael paused before he began to climb after him, staring up at the doors and trying to control his own emotions. 

“How is Razz?” Jastra suddenly asked, and he stopped himself from making a face. She always seemed able to read his mind.

“Healthy enough,” he murmured, looking down at his hands. The fingers stretched, then curled, and he sighed. “He has been angry with me today. I’m not sure why.” 

With a soft sigh, Jastra cupped his cheek, smoothing her thumb over the borrowed skin as she studied his face. “I regret that he isn’t communicative, my friend. I wish that you could experience this bond.” 

“Ah,” he dismissed, shaking his head. “He’s a good man, but it was always a risk to take an unprepared host. I knew that when I joined with him.”

“Still. Sadness is not the most pleasant emotion, but we have to accept its existence, feel what needs feeling. You’re here to help him, but you’re here to learn about him as well. No one else but him would have made a better fit for you.” Her smile widened, and she pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Who better than you to overcome such challenges? Once again, you are an example to us all.” 

Pushing aside Razz’s flaring annoyance from the contact, Laziraphael smiled. “Still. I find myself looking forward to our victory, so that we can both be left in peace.” 

Jastra laughed, then let him go, holding out a hand for Laziraphael as they climbed the steps. He took it without a second thought, squeezing tightly and appreciating the comfort. 

Inside him, Razz flickered, then returned to drifting.


End file.
